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How to have an authentic conversation?

Conversation connects us. We get closer to each other. It unites us and fills us with energy. 

I know that conversing is a very important thing. I always knew that. And now, I am even more aware of this... I am living in Denmark, away from my home country Slovenia, which gives me no other options then maintaining contact with only talking. I know that physical presence is a significant element, but we can do without that too. We don’t have a choice and it’s okay. 

People are different. Some people talk all the time, but they don’t know how to listen. Others know how to listen, but they don’t trust. There are those who leave the impression that they are listening, but they are thinking about other stuff. We can’t blame them. Their obligations are probably in their mind all the time. Problems take them away. I wish they would know that... 
having a conversation is like a medicine, it cures, heals, helps and makes us stronger. 
And some people… they run away from talking. They avoid. They don’t understand the meaning of the conversation. Or maybe they don’t know how to converse… How to start? What to say? How to fill the silence… They don’t know, so they escape. It’s just easier. 

I wish that all of you would know how important is to listen, to tell, to ask, to make certain of what you heard and to not avoid. But please, don’t think that I master this. Of course not! Far from it. I often do a lot of little things during my phone conversation. I’m cleaning the kitchen, making a dinner, ironing linen, editing my planner and so on. And then, sometimes I stop because I don’t even know what the person is asking me. I am not listening. Because of that I sit down and listen again. I take time. You know, I truly LISTEN. I ask when I don’t understand something, I encourage, I try to console, I laugh and I talk about my feelings.

Those kinds of conversations I end with a smile on my face. I put down my phone and I feel happiness and love. Those things make our day better. And also we show the person on the other side of the phone, that we care about her or him. 

And how can we create an authentic conversation? We have to show that we are listening. We can use a simple interjection, like “aha” or “mhm”. It is very simple and we remind the person “Yes, I am still here!”. 

We can also use questions to encourage our co-speaker. It is great if we use open questions, rather than closed questions so the co-speaker won't respond with only "Yes" and "No". We have to create questions, that our friend or a family member won't be able to resist and will just start talking. 

Don't forget to express your opinion. I am sure that your co-speaker wants to hear your advice or recommendation. And if he doesn't want to, he simply has to hear it, so that he can see the other side of the situation. In this case, you have to kindly remind him, that what you have told is just your view, which is not necessarily true or right. Otherwise, some people may consider your opinion as reproach or attack. And you probably don't want that. And if someone told you his opinion, then you have to thank him... appreciate that he shared his thoughts with you

At the same time, don't forget about yourself and unburden oneself. Tell others your problem, talk about your feelings and don't keep them. We are here to help each other. We all have this capability to talk about our sensations, thoughts, so we have to take advantage of it. 

Now it is your turn, call your beloved ones, invite them for a coffee and nicely ask them how are they doing? 




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