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I'm so lucky to have them...

Today I will talk about friendship…

I hope that a long way from home won't separate us. Never. It hasn't till today. Thank God… And it has been halfway through the year since we moved. We kept in touch and didn't forget each other… we also haven't abandoned drinking coffee in the mornings… The only difference is that we are now doing it through facetime. But we need patience with the internet connection, which sometimes breaks off … once there is no picture, another time a voice is missing… But despite everything I stay informed with the latest news from my home town.

I have two best friends. They are as different as chalk and cheese… Ana is always ready for crazy new things, adventures and parties. You can't get bored with her. Nika is a calm lady, who doesn't deviate from her principles and values. She is a specialist for fashion and make-up. I like to say that both of them complement me and enable me to stay educated in all interesting areas of life. 


I'm grateful for a sensation of support that they give me… that they stand by me… at all times. And also I have to thank them for contributing to my better well-being and happiness. I know It sounds funny, but it's really true…

I recently read an article about the fact that the friendship quality relates with a perceived mattering, which continues to affect the individual's happiness. You are probably interested what is this perceived mattering… this is the feeling that you are important to your friend… so you know that you make a difference in your friend's life… the sensation that he/she needs you.

I can simply say that I am happy because of them. And I hope that it is the same in the opposite direction... I hope that they can feel how much I need them… their advices are golden… they are special and unique. Nobody can replace them.

How does the perceived mattering arise? Actually it is all in the comparison between different aspect of a friendship. In order to facilitate understanding I will speak from my point of view… In my friendship with Nika I will compare how much attention she devoted to me and how much to their collegues…But it isn't necessary that I will compare myself only with people. I can also focus on the time that she spent for studying or reading fashion magazines… Was it longer then the time when she was with me? Yeah, it is so simple! Now you know how important is the time that you spend with your best friend.

Only for you I made some recommendations on how to maintain your friendships. So that you can affect on a friendship quality and on a perceived mattering. Remember: 

The only way to have a friend is to be one 
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

How to maintain friendly relations?
  • Don't take your friendship for granted. Appreciate it. 
  • Tell your friends that your are happy to have them… Give them this perceived mattering! 
  • Listen to them and be understanding. Ask them questions… by doing this you will show that you care for them. Listen even when  a friend is telling you about an event that you both talk it through for so many times… obviously he/she still needs your help. 
  • Respect and trust
  • Remember your their goals and encourage them. Be supportive… (Read a post where I mentioned importance of knowing others goals). 
  • Make a call without any particular reason… Ask how are they or how did they spend their day... I know how hard is to find some time in today's busy world…but with a call or a message we can make friend's day. 
  • Don't try to find your friends only when you are having problems… I have often read that best friends are those with whom we don't need to speak for a long time, but when we will need help, we will know where to find them… I think that this is a misconception … a mistake that we do… because we also have to share beautiful moments that we experience during the day, not only bad ones.
  • The little things matter the most… sometimes you can surprise your friends with a modest gift or a friendly compliment. 
  • Join and participate in various leisure activities. That is the right way to experience many positive things together. 
With those suggestions you will show your friends how special are they for you. Beside that you will make a small contribution to their well-being, better self-esteem and also reduce the possibilities for depression feeling. Are you now aware of the great influence you can have on your friends?

Source: Demir, M., O¨zen, A., Dog˘an, A., Bilyk, N. A. and Tyrell, F. A. (2010). I matter to my friend, therefore I am happy: Friendship, mattering, and happiness. 


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