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Fear is the brains way of saying that there is something important for you to overcome


When we first moved here, in Copenhagen, we were living in the centre of the city. Back then we could see it from our french balcony. It wasn't so far. Just a few blocks away. It looked so beautiful, mighty, stunning and high. A lot of times I was thinking to visit it, to sightsee… I was planning to do that during Gregor's day off. It's one of the most famous here in capital city of Denmark. And I'm not surprised. I have to admit, that it's really something special. And that's just because of an amazing top… It's breath taking…

The view from our balcony...
Somewhere in the middle, visitors come out. They step on the outer staircase, red one, with golden trim. Steps are beautiful, shiny and sunlit. They go around and around of the spire.



From our balcony, I didn't notice the people there. But closer as I was approaching, I could see the line of people slowly climbing on the top. I was full of enthusiasm, because I knew that I will reach this peak on my own. I entered the church. 

Queue started at the bottom. A lot of people wanted to experience the lovely view from the top, a view over the whole city. At first I wasn't afraid. We were climbing slowly and there was still enough space for all of us. But the higher we were, the room become more and more narrow. The line of people was going up and another line was going down. At some point we started walking on old wooden steps, which didn't seem very safe to me. In my opinion they were unsteady. We were walking around and around. There were no windows, no daylight. Sometime I had to stop and wait, so that the people above pass by. And then I started to feel anxious… so many people in such a narrow place… 

I started to think about going back down.. I didn't want to see the top anymore. You wouldn't believe what a vivid imagination I had, during the time of waiting to step forward… crazy predictions of what a horrible things can happen just at the time when I was there. I knew that I'm in a place, where I can't escape. I can't go anywhere. There was no exit., no way out. Only people in front of me, behind me and those on the side, who were passing by. 

I make it to the top… and I saw the view over the city. But I didn't feel the delight, which I expected, when I was observing the tower from our safe balcony. My fear overpowered me. My enthusiasm to this powerful spire was taken away… because of my fear.



And there I said to myself: »The first and last time«. But now I know, that I wasn't telling the truth. We will meet again… 

How? Do you remember my last post (To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom)? I promised you some extra tips to overcome your fear… Check them out... I hope that this will be useful for you! 

1. Write your plan of exposure! This is very important part of overcome your fear. At this point you will face with it. Intentionally. Just as you will determine. You will write a sequence of events…Firstly you have to write what scares you at the very least. And then some other happenings, which scares you a little more… And at the end, you need to figure out, which event scares you the most. So, you have to write 5 steps (or more), from the easiest to the worst. It's important that they are concrete and clear. And by following those steps you will slowly and gradually beat your fear. I give you an example about a fear of elevators:

  • Imagine to lift with an elevator to the top of the building. 
  • Use an glass elevator  in the shopping centre. Why glass? Because people can see me, if an elevator stops.
  • Use an elevator in our building and go in the first floor.
  • Use an elevator and go in the fifth floor. 
  • Use an elevator and go at the top. 
2. And after that you have to realize those steps. Start with an imagination and then continue with a real exposure. You can repeat your written steps until you are ready to proceed with the next one. Take some rest during different steps. This can last an hour, a day or maybe a week. It doesn't matter how much time you are taking a break… it's important, that you are feeling great and not stressed. You don't need to rush with things. Do it slowly and gradually. And also don't forget to relax in the interim. Find which relaxation technique is the best for you. 

3. Obstacles and problems can appear. Don't let them stops you. At that time find your friend or a family member… or me. Allow others to help you with overcoming your fear. 

4. It's also important that you get enough sleep. This will help you a lot. It will reduce anxiety. But remember that besides a quantity, there is also a quality. So make sure that before the realization of your steps,  go in your bed early enough. 

5. Reward yourself. A very significant piece. Be aware of how much courage you have invested. Appreciate your effort and your successfully defeated step. By rewarding you will associate your fear with some positive feelings

6. And one day you will overcome your fear. And then it's important that you continue to encounter an object of fear. Only then you will retain what you have achieved. 

I wish you a lot of success in following my advices! Do you want a printable short version of this plan? Subscribe in the box below :) 

Love, 
Saša

Source: 
Seim, R. W. in Spates, R. (2010). The prevalence and comorbidity of specific phobias in College students and their interest in receiving treatment. Journal of College Student Psychotherapy, 24. 49 – 58. 
How to Overcome Phobia. (b.d.). Retrieved from: http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Phobia

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